Why I’m Still a Sex Writer

Happy New Year. I’m so excited for 2020. 2019 was the best year of my life so far and I intend to do everything I can to make this next one even better. I hope you have a fist full of star dust to fling far and wide this year.

I’m grateful that in 2019 I was successfully able to relaunch The Unlaced Librarian and build my content back up after my hiatus. I plan to continue my regular posting schedule for 2020. (Mostly Mondays. Mostly.)

In the past year I very seriously considered stopping my blog and quitting my sex writing and speaking entirely. At one point I even had all my sex books boxed up and ready to donate. But I put them all back on my shelf (then promptly looked up open calls for submissions to erotic romance anthologies).

Here’s why.

I’ve been writing about sexuality, writing sex-positive erotic romance stories, and speaking about sex at conferences and colleges since 2013. Over the years I’ve come up against a lot of external barriers. From being too broke to afford even an internet connection at my house to being shamed by certain people in my hometown for being out as a sex writer and how I live my life.

I’ve said elsewhere, but I’ll say it again: I don’t make any money from The Unlaced Librarian. There are no paid posts, ads, or affiliate links. Except for a handful of books donated to me by authors or publishers, I have bought all the books I’ve reviewed here on my blog myself.

I don’t mind this—I’ve always wanted my blog to be a free resource that can be used in many different ways. I don’t want to have to worry about boosting clicks whenever I post something. I just want information to get to people who need it. And I’m now in a much, much better place financially than I was when I started my blog. I’m proud of the work I’ve put into the blog and that I’ve finally polished The Unlaced Librarian into what I had envisioned when I started doing this 6 years ago.

Of course, I knew when I started writing and speaking about sex that there would be people out there who wouldn’t like it or would try to stop me. But when I started, I literally had nothing to lose. I didn’t have a career and my visible disability put me on the fringe of society anyway. But over the years I’ve built a good life for myself and have a meaningful and important Day Job. I’m finally in a place where I experience stability and feel at home in my community and in society. But now that I have these things, people who don’t like my sex writing have weaponized my work to try to get these things taken away from me. By using social shame and intimidation tactics because they don’t like the topics I write about or the fact that I am out about many aspects of my sexuality.

And I’m not going to lie—that experience has been really scary at times. But I’ve worked through the fear and all that’s left now is a stronger resolve to keep going as a sex writer.

Quite honestly, I needed the push. I had become apathetic about my work: unsure if I was really even helping anyone and had lost almost all my passion. But when the real test arrived, I discovered exactly what I was fighting for and how valuable it really is.

I’ve also been shown the many people in my hometown who possess a tremendous amount of integrity and kindness for others. Those who may disagree deeply with my writing but still respect me and my work. Those who are not interested in tearing others down or weaponizing sex. Those who are interested in learning and growing from differences.

I’ve been given a tremendous gift of perspective and I don’t intend to waste it.

The reason I came out as a sex writer to family, friends, and my community in 2015 was because another sex writer who had given me advice and to who I looked up to died suddenly. She had kept her work a secret and had kept her sex writing mostly separate from her “real” life. I was reminded how fragile and precious life is. I also confronted the fact that my sex writing is my real life: I’m not ashamed and my life would not be fulfilling or complete without my sexuality or my writing.

Right before I typed this, I saw an artist I followed on Instagram had passed away suddenly. I didn’t know her in real life but her work was inspiring, motivating, nurturing, and helpful to me. I’m glad she put her work out there in the time she had.

At the end of it all, the only thing I’ve done is be honest about the fact that my sexuality is an important part of my life, read a bunch of books, and shared my thoughts with others. In the grand scheme of sins of crimes, I could do better 😉

So, I’m still here. And I’ll keep doing my thing, for the time I have.

Thanks for being a part of it.

XOXO -LV

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